Thursday, April 14, 2005

From Zero to Bitch in 3 Seconds

normally, i am a fairly mild mannered, even tempered woman

but put a steering wheel in my hands and the transformation is instantaneous - i become a seething, rage filled, she demon with a mouth like a trucker - i would flip off my own grandmother if she were in front of me going 50 on the freeway

here's a sampling of some of the things that have flown out of my mouth recently while driving

*upon seeing a driver that OBVIOUSLY had no passengers zip past me in the carpool lane
"you better have a body in the trunk, asshole!"

*to the jerkwad in the hummer that cut me off
"sorry about the small dick, but can't you learn how to use a turn signal?!?"

*directed at the moron in the suv on his cell phone that slammed on his brakes FOR NO REASON
"your mother lied. you are not special. hang up the phone, scooter!"

these were all screamed at decibels only dogs could hear - i will actually arrive at my destination wondering why i have a sore throat

if they would just let me drink and drive, i don't think i would have this problem