Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Why I Have To Buy My Friend A New Vibrator

if you look to the right, you will see that my name is Jelly. this is not my real name (mom was a hippie, but she put the bong down long enough to give me a real name. mom, thank you for not naming me luminous moonbeam, by the way.) but, Jelly is my nickname. family and friends call me Jelly. i get mail addressed to Jelly. i get phone calls asking for Jelly. basically, i answer to Jelly.

now, if you have been to an adult novelty shop (i.e. porn store) lately, you might have noticed that many vibrators have the word Jelly as part of their name because they are made from that pink or purple extremely bendable plastic stuff. there's the Jelly Vibe, the Jelly Wand, and my personal fave, the Jelly Love Monster.

so, last night i am talking to my friend grace (names have been changed to protect the mortified) and she is telling me about this fabulous new vibrator she bought. now, girls know that not all vibrators are created equal and when you find one that really, really, really works for you, well, that's a happy day.

during our conversation this sentence actually came out of her mouth:

"let's just say i had a REALLY good time with my little jelly friend."

as soon as it was out of her mouth and out there in the universe, she realized what she had said. the next thing she said was, "eeewwwwwww!"

obviously, she can never use this vibrator again because it will only make her think of me. now, i may be cute, but grace and i don't swing that way. now she has this $20 vibrator that is about as useful as SPF 2 in the desert.

i think i am now obligated to buy her a jelly free love monster.