Thursday, April 28, 2005

Without A Hint of Irony

my profile lists my hometown as los angeles. to be more specific, i live in the san fernando valley. yes, that valley. THE Valley. i can "ohmygawd" and "totally" with the best of them.

however, the valley has another claim to fame. over 90% of the nation's porn is produced here. yeah, we are REALLY proud of that.

so, a lot of your fave porn stars reside around here. they grocery shop here, they get their gas here, they buy shoes (clear plastic heels, of course) here. and they get groomed here.

my favorite waxing salon is especially popular with this crowd. this shop pioneered the extreme bikini waxes that are now commonplace all across this great nation.

the first time i went there, i asked for a "regular" bikini wax. nothing fancy, just clean it up so i don't look like a goddamned yeti come swimsuit season.

and that is when i was asked the most horrific question i have ever been asked.

i am laying on the table, legs splayed open, desperately clutching to my last shred of dignity. then, as calmly as you would ask about the weather, she said this:

"so, are we doing the butt today?"

i never, ever in my entire life want to hear that question in any context. never.

however, they did a good job, so i continue to go there.

now, here's my favorite part. this place makes a bajillion dollars by making women (and men, too. but that's a WHOLE other story) as hairless as can be.

the owner of this salon loves bears. not cuddly lil' teddy bears or vacant eyed panda bears. fucking grizzly bears. the whole bathroom is decorated with grizzly bear pics, toilet paper holders, trash cans, etc.

the grizzly bear is the hairiest fucking animal in the universe.

no one there sees the irony in this.

i think they should get an office mascot and it should represent the salon. i think it should be a hairless cat.