Sunday, May 29, 2005

Crap As Far As the Eye Can See

i have been channel surfing for an hour now, and have come to the conclusion that sunday afternoon tv is better than vicodin at putting me to sleep, minus the nice buzz. i have 1800 channels of CRAP available to me. here's what's on right now:

*The Indy 500 - cars going around and around in circles. um, isn't that just basically watching traffic?

*Punk'd - will someone please get the memo to ashton that screaming into the camera DOES NOT make you funny? although, watching celebrities cry is kind of fun.

*Lace II - now, i love bad lifetime movies as much as the next girl, but this drivel is more than even i can take. i cannot be expected to watch this shit sober. maybe i need a drink and then i will be able to stomach phoebe cate's underwhelmed acting style.

*Hunter - does anyone besides my cop obsessed brother STILL watch this low rent 80's detective show?

*Law & Order: Special Victims Trial by CSI - or whatever the fuck it's called. how many variations of this show can dick wolf come up with? what's next? Law & Order: Traffic Court?

*Clean Sweep - i don't want to clean my own damned house. certainly don't want to watch other people cleaning theirs. duh.

*Benny Hill - is this the best BBC America can come up with? this shit wasn't funny 20 years ago and it ain't funny now.

*ESPN Classics - now, i'm not intersted in sports games that are taking place right now, let alone some minor league baseball game from 1975. further proof men are retarded.

*Gastineau Girls - this is E!'s way of saying, "we couldn't actually get paris hilton because she is locked into that other show on fox. but here's some other brain dead socialites for you to envy." no, thanks. if i wanted to watch spoiled brats shopping with daddy's money and babbling about completely insignificant shit, i would go down to melrose.

*From Justin to Kelly - five minutes into that movie and i would be slitting my wrists. and not that "horizontal cry for help" slit , either. oh no, this would be the "vertical i mean business, motherfucker!" slashing.

oh, i just found Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? hell, yeah! i'm out of here!