Wednesday, May 04, 2005

I'm Drunk and Sad and Angry, So Just Fucking Deal With It

this is like drunk dialing, but i don't have to wake anyone up and piss off all their roommates. tomorrow we will count all the typos and try not to cringe too much.

CrushBoy is a musician and he had a show tonight. i went. they were good as always, but i left there sadder than i have been in a long time. i try not to be too obvious around him, but i am probably as transparent as the crystal cathedral.

when he looks at me, it'a look i know all too well. it's the "there's my fat, funny friend that you couldn't pay me to fuck." look. well, excuse the hell out of me. i am sorry, but you know what? we are all fucking flawed, buddy. it just sucks ass that my flaws are the first thing you see about me. i am not pretty, i'm fat and i have too many chins. and i hate that people can't see past that.

i look at the girls that they find attractive, and yeah they're pretty and all. but it doesn't seem to matter that they are stupid, and vapid, and humorless. oh, but they have a smokin' hot ass, so guys have to take a number to get to them.

it doesn't matter that i'm funny and smart and generous and intuitive. no, what fucking matters in this town is the size of your ass. and i'm so fucking sick of it that i could scream.

and don't try to tell me this ain't true, because it is. some things in life are certain. death. taxes and fat chicks are invisible. it's a fact. i have been thinner and have seen this from the other side of the buffet table.

tomorroe i am going to go to the school for the blind and start picking up guys. at least they won't know i look like an Ewok. so, if their seeing eye dog is prettier than me, they'll never know.