Saturday, June 04, 2005

Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are!

if you drive around my neighborhood, you might think we have a large korean population. you would be wrong. see, we have TONS of korean owned businesses. but i have lived here almost 4 years and have only ever seen one korean person, and that's my neighbor. the rest of them, well, fuck if i know where they are.

these places all have signs in english and korean out front. i stumbled into one of these all purpose korean pharmacy/gift store places awhile back. it was a blistering hot day and my hair was bugging me. so i went off in search of hair ties so i could put my hair in a ponytail. i went in and asked if they had any. to say i received a chilly reception would be an understatement. i was NOT welcome there. ok fine, no skin off my back. if i could read korean, i would have known that. the signs in english will be two or three words, something like "BBQ Bowl House." but, the korean part is lines and lines of text. i am pretty sure it translates into:

"please, all my korean brethern, come shop here and i will give you good food at good prices. we are one people and i will show my love by only charging you $2 for a teriyaki bowl. but whitey, oh, whitey is most certainly not welcome. he comes in and i will charge him $5 for the same teriyaki bowl and he will never know the difference. please join me in laughing at these fools. ha ha ha ha!"

so, these establishments are obviously catering to a korean clientele, but i never see any koreans around here. and trust me, i've looked. which leads me to the inevitable conclusion that they have built underground tunnels and use those to get around. they are mole people. well, do you have a better explanation? i first thought maybe they had gotten their hands on some of those Harry Potter invisibility cloaks, but that seemed ridiculous.

i also think they might be trying to kill us off. there is a restaurant near my house. the cuisine is advertised as Korean/Mexican food. just the thought of kim chee on my huevos rancheros makes me want to hork. a lot. i am desperately curious to see what this food looks like, but i just cannot bring myself to go there.

then there is this other place that advertises 50% off Sushi. ok, i love a bargain as much as the next gal, but there are some things in life that demand you pay full price.

here is my list of things that you should never bargain shop for:

1.) condoms
2.) pregnancy tests
3.) seafood

it's a short list, so it's fairly easy to remember. you are welcome.

so, in summary, the invisible koreans are trying to kill us all. you have been warned.