Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Go Speedracer! Go Speedracer! Go Speedracer, GO!

being the creature of habit that i am, i take the exact same route to work every morning. part of this trip requires i travel on balboa blvd. it's a long, slightly downhill street. the downgrade means it is all too easy to find yourself going faster than the speed limit if you aren't paying attention. but, i do pay attention. why? because the cops have figured this out also, and i see them merrily handing out tickets at least three mornings a week. now, what i don't understand is, who are these mouth breathing idiots that are getting ticketed? we see the cops there all the time. if these people had two functioning brain cells to rub together, they would know this is NOT the street to speed down. but the operative phrase there is "two functioning brain cells to rub together." but i will admit to giggling when i see them pulled over. it's almost worth getting out of bed every morning.

they go down this street every single morning just like i do. and i know this, because i see many of the same cars every day. i'm not a car buff, but i do recognize them by their personalized plates, bumper stickers and customized license plate frames. a few mornings a week i see a brown car with a personalized plate that reads, "MYNDMLD." and every time i see it, i try to peek at the driver to see if he is wearing a klingon costume, but i can never get close enough. darn.

then there is the einstein in the red pickup truck. he has a native american dream catcher hanging from his rearview mirror. now, my understanding of the legend behind those is that they catch your dreams while you sleep. um, please tell me you aren't sleeping while driving. although that would explain a lot of the other dumbasses i encounter daily on the freeway.

and let's not forget mr. rico suave. his customized plate frame reads, "I Would Rather Be Eating Pu$$Y." but without the dollar signs. sorry, but i just can't bring myself to type it out exactly as it reads. now rico, that's a nice sentiment, but is that something you really want to advertise? i always wonder if he has a job and a family. does he go to his grandmother's house and what how does he explain that to her? what about his company parking lot? does his boss ever see that? i am fairly certain he doesn't drive that car to church, though. i have often wondered who wears the tshirts that i see on well, now i know. i bet rico is a preferred customer.

the fellow commuter i would most like to beat with my Club is the woman in the white ford taurus. whenever i see her in front of me, i will make three lane changes just to get away from her. she hits her brakes constantly and alternates between 2 mph and 45 mph with no rhyme or reason. she needs to die.

now, of course, having said all this, what do you want to bet my happy ass gets a ticket tomorrow?