Thursday, June 23, 2005

Jelly - The Early Years

i got a scanner yesterday and have now become a SCANNING MANIAC! i seriously cannot stop. don't sit there laughing at me. i know everyone else in the free world had one 7 years ago, but i never did and this makes me happy, so shut the hell up and enjoy this trip down memory lane. then post comments and tell me how cute i was.


Example

obviously, i have NEVER had any maternal instincts and this kid knew it. look at him struggling to get away from me. he knew even then that my uterus is purely decorative.


Example


my 1st grade photo

my mom spent the better part of my childhood trying to coax my stick straight marcia brady-esque hair into curls. and this was long before the invention of those comfy, foam rollers. oh no, my rollers had TEETH! and i had to sleep with those damn torture devices in my head. i still have perma dents in my skull from those fucking things. WAS IT WORTH IT, MOM? WAS IT?

Example

i think the bunny peed on me

Example

this is a scan of a crappy polaroid, but it is the classic "i lost my front teeth" photo. here is where i most resemble my paternal hillbilly relatives. all that's missing is the chewing tobacco and a sister cousin.

Example

looking at the expression on my face, i can only guess that 30 seconds after this was taken, i pulled a glock out of that xmas stocking and blew the photographer to smithereens. i have always been filled with the holiday spirit.

Example

if you dare make fun of my bitchin' knee socks or basket, i wil let go of the dog's collar and happily watch her rip your throat out.