Monday, August 29, 2005

With Me, You Never Get a FIRST Chance to Make a First Impression. And I'm OK With That.

sometimes you can just look at a person and know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that there is no way in hell you and she could ever be friends. then, they open their mouthes and cement the deal. why, yes, i *do* judge a book by it's cover. you got a problem with that?

the other day i went to a local retaurant for lunch. quick sidenote about this place. it is an italian retaurant, run by pakistanis and they make the best damn chicken burrito and pico de gallo i have ever had. still trying to wrap my head around that one. so, anyway, i am waiting for my order and i overhear two women talking. one of them was in her 40's and wearing a denim jumper and a headband. she looked like a sunday school teacher. all that was missing was the emroidred ABC's and apples on the pockets. the other woman looked to be in her late 30's and was sporting a mullet the likes of which i have not seen outside of a motley crue concertcirca 1987. but her's was the "classy,' professional mullet." if there is such a thing.

here's a snippet of their conversation:

denim jumper: "have you read "the notebook?" oh, you just haaaaaaaave to. it's so woooooooonderful!"

mullet dweeb: "no. but i have read "the wedding." oh, it was soooooooo beauuuuuuuuuuutiful. i cried and cried. it really spoke to me."

denim jumper: "isn't nicholas sparks just the beeeeeeeeeest writer?"

i will bet you a million dollars that Denim Jumper has a poster in her cubicle of a kitten hanging from a branch with the caption "hang in there, baby" tacked to her fabric covered wall. and Mullet Dweeb almost certainly collects Marie Osmond dolls. and names them and dresses them in different outfits every week.

see, i knew within 10 seconds that if i was stranded on a desert island with these chicks i would die without ever having spoken another word. what do you say to people like that? i just can't relate to people that equate schmaltz crap with literature. hey, i like my trashy novels as much as the next gal, but i have never proclaimed Sophie Kinsella as the Voice of My Generation. everyone knows that is Helen Fielding's title. duh.

i have the same reaction when i meet overly religious people. i just know, with every fiber of my being, that i have nothing in common with them. i don't put much stock in a book of fairy tales (i.e. The Bible) and i don't live my life doing good deeds for the sole purpose of scoring points with god and securing a front row seat in heaven. that's what my family gets for raising me as a catholic. there is no atheist like the reformed catholic. i was overeducated about catholicism and saw it for the load of crap it is. i might actually be part vampire, because when i see a cross i hiss and cover my face. (sherri, none of this applies to you. you are the exception to this rule. you snuck in under my radar. love ya like i love tater tots.)

i try not to judge people too quickly (ok, that's a total lie, but for the sake of argument, let's pretend it's true). but when i see a pro life bumper sticker on a car and that car is driven by a MAN, it's all i can do to not ram into him, screaming "yeah, asshole. every life *is* precious EXCEPT yours!" let's hope no one at Progressive Car Insurance reads this blog. and you don't even want to know what happens when i see NRA bumper stickers. and i can't tell you, because that would be self incriminating. and i ain't stupid.

when i go into Blockbuster and see someone struggling with the decision to rent a Jim Carrey movie vs. a Chris Farley movie, i just look at that person and think, "let's hope our paths never, ever cross again. ok?"

gosh, given my loving, bubbly nature, it's really shocking that i don't have more friends.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Fat Girls in Skinny Clothes - The Sequel

let me just clarify a few things first. i am not ragging on fat people. hell, i ain't tiny myself and as i type this i am licking the Cinnabon frosting from my fingers. however, i *am* ragging on fat people who have no clue how to dress for their size. if you are a size 22, please do not try to squeeze yourself into a size 10. it's not pretty and it hurts my eyes. and i don't want to hear this bullshit about Fat/Size Acceptance. ugly is ugly no matter what you call it.

this chick was wearing a shirt about 45 sizes too small for her and low rise jeans. you can actually see the fat spooging out in between the slats on the chair. i just wanted to hit her over the head with a Lane Bryant catalog and explain to her the beauty that is the tunic top.


Example

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Yup, It's Offical. I Have NO Shame. None.

i have to type this post very quickly because in 21 minutes one of my favorite tv shows will be starting and once it does, that's it. the internet gets turned off, my Sidekick gets turned off and don't even think about trying to call me, because i won't answer. your emergency will still be an emergency 20 minutes from now. it can wait.

what is this show you might be asking yourself? is it the high brow Charlie Rose? is the the political hotbed Crossfire? is it a National Geographic special on the mating habits of meerkats? nope. it is Battle of the Network Reality Stars. that sound you now hear is my mother hauling ass to the lawyer's office so she can write me out of the will. i have to give her credit though, she tried, she really did. when i was little, i was fed a steady diet of PBS and educational programming. enough of that bullshit. bring me the trash tv.

i fucking LOVE Battle of the Network Reality Stars! i mean, c'mon, what's not to love? first and most importantly, we have the incomparable Evil Dr. Will Kirby from Season 2 of Big Brother. this man is AWESOME. he will say and do anything to win and he's just flat out fucking funny. i would watch this show just to see him insult people. they generally have no clue they are being insulted and just grin and clap him on the back as if he were their new best friend. he's my hero. but, last week, he was shirtless at one point and i was reminded of the fact that he has the tiniest man nipples i have ever seen. it's almost distracting, really. he has mini man nips.

on last weeks episode, Charla from the Amazing Race was in the jousting competition with the chick that won the first season of The Swan (and her plastic surgery is holding up very nicely, i might add). in case you don't know, Charla is a "little person." so basically, it was a midget jousting an amazonion red head above a pool of water. MIDGET JOUSTING! you don't get to see this everyday, people. and it's not even pay per view!! god bless america.

then we have 2 of the biggest reality whores ever created in the MTV labs. Coral and Mike "The Miz" from Real World Back to New York. i swear, these 2 are just moments away from auditioning for Extreme Supermarket Sweep. they will compete in any reality event that will have them.

8 more minutes to go. yeah, i type slow, i know.

the downside to this show is we have to put up with Omarossa and Bob the Bachelor as "commentators." that's why god created the mute button. that's a waste of 2 carbon based life forms if there ever was.

Richard Hatch and Sue Hawk from the first Survivor are also competing on this show. in case you were wondering, he is still fat and she is still ugly. it's nice to have some consistency in this everchanging world. it makes me feel safe as a kitten. oops, almost forgot about Duncan Nutter from Showbiz Moms and Dads. yeah, he's still creepy and crazy. people never really change do they?


apparently, we get 5 more weeks of this. i wish it were more, but i don't like to look a gift horse in the mouth. and Bravo to the Bravo! network for running this on Wednesday nights so that it doesn't interfere with Big Brother 6. they know their audience and they know what we want, dammit.

3 minutes to go, which means it is time for this week's gratuitous John mayer pic.


Example

i would give a limb to touch that man just once. and i would be willing to give up a good limb. not a leg, but my left arm. and i am left handed. THAT'S how much i love him. damn.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

I Could Be A Stripper! Who Knew?

so, i went shopping with my friend, lauren, today. i am not good at adding the links in the posts, but she is The Adnostic and you can click on the link to the left to read her. she's awesome.

first stop, Sephora. god, they now officially have ALL my money. i only bought two things, and one was an actual necessity. not too bad. while perusing every single aisle (is there any other way to shop at Sephora?) we came to the Jessica Simpson Dessert line of products. she hocks something called Belly Button Gloss. i was never bothered by the matte finish of my belly button. should i be? have i ever looked in the mirror and asked myself, "self, is my belly button glossy enough? if ONLY there was a candy scented product to gloss my belly button!" our prayers have been answered by Jessica. gloss away, gals, gloss away!

next stop, Victoria's Secret. i love panties and buy them compulsively (7 pairs in the last 3 days) but i just can't bring myself to buy panties with a keyhole right above the ass crack. i don't need a bullseye there, thankyouverymuch.

on to Bloomingdales for more bra and panty shopping. behind the register is huge wall of nothing but thong panties and the word "THONGS" above it. ah yes, the infamous Wall of Thongs. the women's magazines are always telling you to get professionally fitted for bras because 90% of us are wearing the wrong size. so, we ask the sales girl to measure us.

now, depending on the brand, i can comfortably wear a 34 or 36C. works for me, but just wanted to get measured out of curiosity. so, um, yeah, acording to this chick i am a 36EE. nope, not a typo. 36EE. what the fuck? if my boobs were that big, they would need their own zip code. i never see that size in stores. maybe it was her last day at work and was just intentionally fucking with people.

well, it's getting late, so me and my 36EE boobs are signing off.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Fat Girls in Skinny Clothes

thanks to my new Sidekick, this will become a recurring feature on the Unholy Smell. well, it will as long as i can continue to take pics without getting my ass kicked.

Example

Thursday, August 18, 2005

I Probably Should Not Even Be Awake This Late At Night

i am vain about many, many things. namely, my nails and my shoes, but one thing i am not vain about is my age. hell, i'll tell you right now i am 33 years old. and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. actually, my plan is, when i am 35, i will start telling people i am 40, so that they will look at me and say, "DAMN! you look GOOD for your age!"

my hair started going grey when i was in my early 20's and i have been coloring it ever since. oh, by the way, thanks for the defective genes, mom! but that didn't even bother me too much. one box of L'Oreal Feria later and no one was the wiser.

when i turned 30, it was honestly no big deal. it was just another number. i was not one of those women that locked herself in her bedroom for a week bemoaning her lost youth. hell, it was just another year and another excuse to go out drinking with my friends. and i got presents. how could that be bad?

but this morning, for the first time in my life, i FELT OLD. i was faced with the irrefutable evidence of my aging. oh god, it pains me to admit this, but today.....(deep breath and stifled sob)...... i had to put a medicated disk on my corn. yes, my descent into senior citizenship has started. i have a corn on my foot. that last sentence is probably the least sexy sentence ever uttered. grandmothers get corns. maiden aunts get corns. young, cute vibrant women DO NOT GET CORNS, DAMMIT!

what has happened to me? ten years ago i was out partying every weekend on the sunset strip. we partied thursday night, friday night, saturday night AND sunday night. we would puke it all up at 3am, then start drinking again the next night. but on sunday nights, we left the bars at 1am instead of 2am, because we had to work the next day and we needed our sleep, dontcha know. in my 20's i spent more time sleeping (read: passed out cold) on bathroom floors than i did sleeping in my own actual bed. flash forward to the present day, and if you call me and ask me to go out after work on a friday night, this is what you will hear from me:

*YAWN* are you serious? no, i am sorry, i am just too tired. maybe we can meet for lunch tomorrow afternoon. but i have to be home by 8pm because Big Brother is on and saturday nights are the Veto Competitions."

oh yeah, par-tay on bay-bee! what's next? an Ensure-Tini?

now, granted, i have noticed other signs of my impending middle age. the crepe-like texture of the skin on my neck, the fine lines on my face that are nestled next to my acne scars (side note: what kind of cruel joke is mother nature playing on me that i have to apply acne medicine AND wrinkle cream to my face every day? it should really be one or the other, not both. it's just not fair.) when i wake up in the mornings, parts of my body are stiff and my joints make weird noises. i am ok with the fact that i sound like a movie theater popcorn machine at 6am. i have accepted the fact that i am getting older. but that doesn't mean i have to surrender. but corns? oh, that just sucks ass.

next thing you know, i will be crocheting toilet paper cozies. if i ever make anything that can in any way be described as a "cozie" of any kind, you have my permission to take me out back and shoot me like Old Yeller. just do me a favor and make sure my medicated corn disks are removed before the viewing.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Girls, Girls, Girls

i just had the girliest, most decadent weekend. you should all be envying me right now. god, what can't every weekend be like this? see, if i had a personal assistant to run all my crappy errands for me and do my laundry (but i would still wash my own panties, because the thought of someone else touching them creeps me out.) i could spend all my free time just pampering myself.

it all started friday nite. my friend, sherri, was in anaheim for a convention. i drove out there and met her at Downtown Disney. first stop, Sephora (duh!) where i am proud to report i only purchased ONE item. i won't tell you what that one item cost, though. because then i would have to kill you. but trust me, it was a GOOD item.

then we stopped in the big, mega Disney store. sherri was lamenting the fact that she could not find a particualr Disney Collectible Pin. apparently, pins are the new Beanie Babies. there is a huge community of people that buy, sell and trade these pins. as she is explaining this, a man walks over to her as says, "PSST!"

sherri acknowledges him and he cuts his eyes to the left, and then to right to make sure no one is listening in and proceeds to stage whisper that he knows a guy that trades them in Disneyland in front of one particular store. the whole time, he is checking over his shoulder. i have seen drug deals go down with less precaution. it was all so very cloak and dagger. and right in the middle of Downtown Disney, of all places! is nothing sacred, people?!?!

after that we went to dinner. sherri and i both have the misfortune of living in Sonic-Free cities. actually, this is a good thing, because if there was one within spitting distance, i would become the 400 Pound Woman of Los Angeles. but, since sherri and i both love The Sonic, that was where we had dinner. i ordered the Sonic sized tots, onion rings, a Sonic bacon cheeseburger and a DIET cherry limeade. watching those calories, dontcha know. i am happy to report that Carb-O-Polloza 2005 was a success!

sadly, the evening went by much too fast and i had to take her back to her hotel. i pull into the driveway and we were making our goodbyes when one of bellhop type guys opens my drivers side door because he thinks i want to valet my car. not expecting this, i screamed like a little girl. now the driver's seat in my car smells like pee.

saturday, some other girlfriends and i went to a VERY nice, full service spa. before our facials, we spent some time in the steam room and the jacuzzi. WE were wearing bathing suits. sadly, i cannot say the same for everyone else. yup, i was confronted with one of my pet peeves everytime i turned around. naked women. i never know where to look and it's just uncomfortable. although, my favorite "hi, i'm naked. please envy my flat tummy and fake, perky boobs" girl was spotted in the jacuzzi. naked as the day she was born, *except* for her gold belly chain. i just looked at her and thought to myself, "yup, you're getting blogged."

my facial was heavenly. i told the girl to focus on extraction and she went to town on my pores. she squeezed stuff out of my face that has been there since clinton was in office. right now, my face feels like a baby's butt. in a good way, not a nasty diaper rash-y kind of way.

at the spa i bought the most wonderful shower gel and body lotion set. (see my previous post to understand how ridiculous it is that i bought one more set of bath stuff) but i literally could not help myself. see, i have been searching high and low for a chocolate scented gel/lotion duo that DOESN'T smell like crap. i finally found it. it is made by a company called Bubalina. if i wasn't so damn lazy, i would find their web link and post it here. but, fuck it, if you can find my blog, you can certainly Google your own shit. trust me, this stuff is GOOD. i smell edible right now.

after the spa we went to dinner at P.F. Changs and had the most wonderful meal. and a few drinks. let's just say i HIGHLY recommend the Confucious Martini and leave it at that.

today, i bought a T-Mobile Sidekick. oh, i am already loving my Kicky. camera, email, phone and web browser all in one. i have to figure out all the features, but i don't think it will be that hard. for christsake, paris hilton figured it out and she's dumber than a box of rocks, so i am hopeful.

back to the real world tomorrow. blech.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

I Could Find the Nearest Sephora with My Eyes Closed

as i was taking a shower tonite, i looked around my bathroom and realized that i might, just maybe, have a teensy weensy problem. in my shower i have 16, yes, i counted, 16 bottles of shampoo and conditioner. this is in addition to the 7 different body washes, 4 scrubs and 3 face soaps. let's not forget the loofah, face brush, scrubby gloves and back brush! i am so overloaded on product, there is barely room for me in there anymore. when i stepped out the shower, i counted 38 bottles/jars/tubes of beauty products on my counter. i didn't even look under the sink and count all the stuff there because, well, frankly, i can't count that high without a calculator.

it's almost psychotic, notice i qualified that with an "almost." it is as if go into a fugue state when i enter Sephora. if you watch the security tapes, i am pretty sure you will see footage of me handing my bank card to a black clad saleswoman and saying, "got any new Philosophy 3-in-1 body washes? load me up. charge this baby til it screams."

for some reason, i TOTALLY buy into the mythology of the cosmetics industry. "well, if it costs $80 and comes in a pretty bottle, then it MUST be a superior product. THIS is the shampoo that will make me look JUST LIKE catherine zeta jones." what's sad is that this such a girly thing. guys don't buy this crap like we do. my best friend is a guy and about 2 years ago he came to spend the weekend at my house. when he walked into my bathroom, he starting laughing so hard he was in danger of cracking a rib. then he caught his breath, came back out and explained to me that a man can take a shower using nothing but a bar of soap. i was horrified. apparently, a man can use one bar of soap to wash his hair, clean his face, clean his body and lather up his naughty bits. i just cannot get my head around this. it was like he was speaking a foreign language. it kind of scared me a little.

i know i am not alone. so many of my girlfriends have succumbed to the Sephora Sickness. we need professional help. however, there is no 12 step program for us. but we don't *really* want to change,so here are our half assed 12 steps.

Step #1 - We admitted we were powerless over the Smashbox counter.

Step #2 - We came to believe that only a new bottle of Demeter fragrance could restore us to sanity.

Step #3 - Made a decision to turn our skin and our pocketbooks over to Bobbi Brown.

Step #4 - Made a searching a fearless inventory of our makeup bags. Yes, i do NEED 16 lipsticks.

Step #5 - Admitted only to God and our very best girlfriend *exactly* how much we spent on that Chanel lipstick.

Step #6 - We were entirely ready to have Dr. Perricone remove all defects from our pores.

Step #7 - Humbly asked the girl at the Lancome counter for an extra "gift with purchase" for a "friend."

Step #8 - Made a list of all the Stila clerks we had abused because they were sold out of the blush that Allure magazine called the "must have of the season" and made amends to them all. We apologize for scaring the clerk so badly she gave us extra samples just to make us go away.

Step #9 - Made direct amends to all those clerks, except when to do so would have cost them their job.

Step #10 - Continued to take a personal inventory, and when we ran out of eyeliner, promptly went to Nordstrom's and bought more.

Step #11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our relationship with Bare Escentuals, praying for the knowledge that would allow us to "Swirl, Tap and Buff" just like the girls in the informercials.

Step #12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of Biolage shampoo, seeking to share this knowledge with others.

ok, girls, our first meeting will be held at the Kiehl's counter. we will be giving away free samples of #1 lip balm in lieu of coffee and donuts. the line forms to the right. one sample per person, please.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Notes From the Pits of Hell

i was born and bred in los angeles. this is MY town, dammit. i love almost everything about it. the diverse cultures, the energy, the people and the shopping. the only other city that feels like "home" to me is manhattan. having traveled all over this country, i can honestly say that i would not thrive in any other city.

one of my best friends lives in iowa and i have been there a few times to visit her. if she didn't live there, i would never set foot in that state ever again. i just don't love corn that much. well, i might swing by there once a year to hit the thrift stores. the cool thing about Podunk, USA is that they wouldn't know fashion if if slapped them in the face. i always find the coolest clothes in their thrift stores. iowans must receive these fabulous cashmere sweaters from their hip relatives in NY and immediately donate them to goodwill. if they haven't seen it in the WalMart Winter Fashions Collection, they don't trust it. their ignorance becomes my $3 score.

one of the things i love about los angeles is being able to go to breakfast at Waffles N More and looking over to see Joey Lawrence at the table next to me, scarfing down his eggs benedict. or going to the movies and realizing that Pacey is sitting 3 rows ahead of me. i am a total entertainment whore and this just tickles me. i ain't never seen anna nicole at the Taco Tico in iowa.

i tell you this, because right now i fucking hate this place and i need to remember why i live here. it's august and it's 103 bajillion degrees outside at 9pm. basically, the Valley is just a desert that someone built houses on, and god help me, we bought one of them. truly, i hate summer and everything that goes along with it. this heat just sucks the lifeforce right out of me. i have spent the better part of today becoming one with my bed. even with the a/c on, i can barely make that long trek to the kitchen to refill my martini glass. and that my friends, is truly tragic.

some people LOVE this weather. i hate them. can someone please explain to me what is the point of "laying out?" what is the appeal of flinging your body onto the 100 degree ground and laying there in the heat, sweating like winona ryder in front a security camera at nieman marcus? then they have their cute little spray bottles of water that they use to "mist" themselves. you wanna "mist" yourself, go take a shower. newsflash, they make self tanners. this is not necessary.

if i was allowed to carry a concealed weapon, i would spend the whole summer driving around in my air conditioned car and shooting those fools that you see JOGGING at 12 noon. they really can't be contributing much to the gene pool and i don't think they would be missed. BANG!

and in los angeles, summer means tourists. yeah, yeah, yeah, i know they help our economy and are good for business, blah, blah, blah. but they are in my way and make the traffic even worse. driving in los angeles is not THAT hard. you can always spot these poor fools on the freeways. there they are in their rented minivan, white knuckling the steering wheel, desperately trying to change lanes. just DO IT and get out of my way! GOSH!

i hate this heat so much, it just makes me want to shoot myself. but i don't even have the energy to pull the trigger.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Big Green Men I Have Loved

in addition to liking the girly boys, i apparently like the green guys. most of my childhood icons were, well, green. i don't know what this says about me as a person. maybe it's just a natural extension of my personality. i am completely shallow and materialistic, and money is green. i like lettuce and that's green. absinthe is green and i have been dying to get my hands on some of that stuff. hey, any liqour that can rot out your insides and liquify your brain, i gotta try. my favorite brand of tampons come in a green wrapper (FYI gals, tampax pearl. so worth the extra cost.) but i don't like mold, it's nasty. and i don't like the green bay packers. i don't give a flying rat's ass about football and their fans wear cheese wedges on their heads. that's just dumb. but overall, green is good.

Example
for some strange reason, as a child i just LOVED the jolly green giant. i had made my mom buy my the doll and i carried that thing around until it fell apart. he's was a little buffer than i normally like my men, but i was willing to overlook a few flaws. my love was pure. this was the only pic i could find of jolly online and i have no clue what those words mean. basically, the lack of jolly green giant pics leads me to believe i am alone in this particular obsession. it wouldn't be the first time.


Example
ah, gumby. what's not to love about him? he's just so bendy. and his high pitched voice probably ties back to my whole girly boy thing.


Example
sundays nights were the highlight of my week. "the muppet show" was the original must see tv. while i have loved other muppets, i have loved none other as long as kermit. i had a passing fascination with miss piggy and scooter stole my heart for awhile in the late 70's.
but it always comes back to kermit.
truer words were never spoken.


Example
my one true love, though, has always been H.R. Pufnstuf. when that show would come on, my world would come to a screeching halt. at the time, the show made sense to me. magic flutes and talking owls. yeah, sure, i'm down with that. unfortunately, i have watched this show as an adult, and now realize the Krofft brothers were higher than kites and getting paid to make children's television. but, my love, it shall survive. as you shall see.


Example
that's me and The Puf (he lets me call him that) about 5 years ago at a Krofft Brothers Auction. look at the pure mania on my face. i think i might have actually been peeing my pants when that pic was taken. when our lifelong dreams are realized, bladder control becomes secondary.


Example
here's The Puf in drag. even at age 5, i knew trannies were hot. god, why did my family never put me in therapy?


Example
ok, i'll be totally honest here. i do love shrek, but i love donkey more. anytime i see any shrek stuff in stores, i am complled to start braying, "DON-KEEEEY!" shopping with me is FUN.


Example
completely gratuitous john mayer pic just for the hell of it. but, hey, he *is* wearing a green shirt. and he's just so pretty. look at those arms. have i mentioned the arms? if i haven't, they ROCK.MY.WORLD. besides, after what i paid an eBay scalper today for just ONE ticket to his show next month, i gotta remind myself why he's worth it. and he is, baby, he totally is.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Here's What I Can Remember About BlogHer

i am back home and in my own bed. ahhhh. let me just say i had a great time and learned a lot. met some fascinating chicks and made some new friends. it was uber fabu.

saturday night is a drunken, blurry memory. it is now 48 hours later and i might still be drunk. let me start by saying those mommy bloggers know how to PAR-TAY! damn, they were still going at it when i stumbled back to my room. i remember thinking i should ask the front desk for a 9am wake up call, but have zero recollection of actually making said call. but i must have, because i was rather surprised when my phone rang at 9am. props to the operator at the westin hotel that was actually able to decipher Slurred Drunkenese and put that request thru for me. you rock hard.

that night, there were pictures taken that mean i can now never run for office. and if any of you bitches post them on your blog, i will hunt you down and cut you. remember, my granny is still alive and she is talking about getting internet access sometime soon. let's not give her any reason to disown me, a'ight? peace out.

one of the things i learned at the conference is that i am what is known as an "identity blogger." and i guess my identity is bitchy and snarky. this comes as no surprise to those who know me well. what it really means is that i just like to talk about myself and my opinions. a lot.

it was so surreal to meet people that actually read this and have them reference things i have written in here. surreal, but TOTALLY COOL, also. the only downside to this is that we fell into the habit of referring to each other by our blog names. for some this was ok. "hey, look it's Dooce!" or "i just had the best conversation with Mighty Girl." not so cool if you are me and people come up to you and say, "oh wow, you are the unholy smell." that's something you really can't hear enough.

i think my favorite moment came in one session where a woman stood up and announced she is polyamorous. because, really, what can anyone say after that? there is no topping that one.