Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Big Green Men I Have Loved

in addition to liking the girly boys, i apparently like the green guys. most of my childhood icons were, well, green. i don't know what this says about me as a person. maybe it's just a natural extension of my personality. i am completely shallow and materialistic, and money is green. i like lettuce and that's green. absinthe is green and i have been dying to get my hands on some of that stuff. hey, any liqour that can rot out your insides and liquify your brain, i gotta try. my favorite brand of tampons come in a green wrapper (FYI gals, tampax pearl. so worth the extra cost.) but i don't like mold, it's nasty. and i don't like the green bay packers. i don't give a flying rat's ass about football and their fans wear cheese wedges on their heads. that's just dumb. but overall, green is good.

Example
for some strange reason, as a child i just LOVED the jolly green giant. i had made my mom buy my the doll and i carried that thing around until it fell apart. he's was a little buffer than i normally like my men, but i was willing to overlook a few flaws. my love was pure. this was the only pic i could find of jolly online and i have no clue what those words mean. basically, the lack of jolly green giant pics leads me to believe i am alone in this particular obsession. it wouldn't be the first time.


Example
ah, gumby. what's not to love about him? he's just so bendy. and his high pitched voice probably ties back to my whole girly boy thing.


Example
sundays nights were the highlight of my week. "the muppet show" was the original must see tv. while i have loved other muppets, i have loved none other as long as kermit. i had a passing fascination with miss piggy and scooter stole my heart for awhile in the late 70's.
but it always comes back to kermit.
truer words were never spoken.


Example
my one true love, though, has always been H.R. Pufnstuf. when that show would come on, my world would come to a screeching halt. at the time, the show made sense to me. magic flutes and talking owls. yeah, sure, i'm down with that. unfortunately, i have watched this show as an adult, and now realize the Krofft brothers were higher than kites and getting paid to make children's television. but, my love, it shall survive. as you shall see.


Example
that's me and The Puf (he lets me call him that) about 5 years ago at a Krofft Brothers Auction. look at the pure mania on my face. i think i might have actually been peeing my pants when that pic was taken. when our lifelong dreams are realized, bladder control becomes secondary.


Example
here's The Puf in drag. even at age 5, i knew trannies were hot. god, why did my family never put me in therapy?


Example
ok, i'll be totally honest here. i do love shrek, but i love donkey more. anytime i see any shrek stuff in stores, i am complled to start braying, "DON-KEEEEY!" shopping with me is FUN.


Example
completely gratuitous john mayer pic just for the hell of it. but, hey, he *is* wearing a green shirt. and he's just so pretty. look at those arms. have i mentioned the arms? if i haven't, they ROCK.MY.WORLD. besides, after what i paid an eBay scalper today for just ONE ticket to his show next month, i gotta remind myself why he's worth it. and he is, baby, he totally is.