i have to type this post very quickly because in 21 minutes one of my favorite tv shows will be starting and once it does, that's it. the internet gets turned off, my Sidekick gets turned off and don't even think about trying to call me, because i won't answer. your emergency will still be an emergency 20 minutes from now. it can wait.
what is this show you might be asking yourself? is it the high brow Charlie Rose? is the the political hotbed Crossfire? is it a National Geographic special on the mating habits of meerkats? nope. it is Battle of the Network Reality Stars. that sound you now hear is my mother hauling ass to the lawyer's office so she can write me out of the will. i have to give her credit though, she tried, she really did. when i was little, i was fed a steady diet of PBS and educational programming. enough of that bullshit. bring me the trash tv.
i fucking LOVE Battle of the Network Reality Stars! i mean, c'mon, what's not to love? first and most importantly, we have the incomparable Evil Dr. Will Kirby from Season 2 of Big Brother. this man is AWESOME. he will say and do anything to win and he's just flat out fucking funny. i would watch this show just to see him insult people. they generally have no clue they are being insulted and just grin and clap him on the back as if he were their new best friend. he's my hero. but, last week, he was shirtless at one point and i was reminded of the fact that he has the tiniest man nipples i have ever seen. it's almost distracting, really. he has mini man nips.
on last weeks episode, Charla from the Amazing Race was in the jousting competition with the chick that won the first season of The Swan (and her plastic surgery is holding up very nicely, i might add). in case you don't know, Charla is a "little person." so basically, it was a midget jousting an amazonion red head above a pool of water. MIDGET JOUSTING! you don't get to see this everyday, people. and it's not even pay per view!! god bless america.
then we have 2 of the biggest reality whores ever created in the MTV labs. Coral and Mike "The Miz" from Real World Back to New York. i swear, these 2 are just moments away from auditioning for Extreme Supermarket Sweep. they will compete in any reality event that will have them.
8 more minutes to go. yeah, i type slow, i know.
the downside to this show is we have to put up with Omarossa and Bob the Bachelor as "commentators." that's why god created the mute button. that's a waste of 2 carbon based life forms if there ever was.
Richard Hatch and Sue Hawk from the first Survivor are also competing on this show. in case you were wondering, he is still fat and she is still ugly. it's nice to have some consistency in this everchanging world. it makes me feel safe as a kitten. oops, almost forgot about Duncan Nutter from Showbiz Moms and Dads. yeah, he's still creepy and crazy. people never really change do they?
apparently, we get 5 more weeks of this. i wish it were more, but i don't like to look a gift horse in the mouth. and Bravo to the Bravo! network for running this on Wednesday nights so that it doesn't interfere with Big Brother 6. they know their audience and they know what we want, dammit.
3 minutes to go, which means it is time for this week's gratuitous John mayer pic.
i would give a limb to touch that man just once. and i would be willing to give up a good limb. not a leg, but my left arm. and i am left handed. THAT'S how much i love him. damn.