Sunday, September 04, 2005

Crap You Couldn't PAY Me to Wear

mom and i went to the Camarillo Outlets today. i wanted to go to the Aerosoles store in particular because there is a pair of shoes i have been wanting and they are $65 retail and i knew i could get them cheaper there. we braved the crowds and the strollers and a-shopping we went. why does every family seem to have a double stroller? i swear, some of those people didn't even have kids. it was like Stroller Derby 2005 trying to walk thru that place. next time, i will wear a helmet and elbow pads for protection.

so, in my quest to save $20, i ended up spending about $300. but i got some great stuff. at the Maidenform store alone, i dropped $65. but, i swear i needed more panties.really, i did. and i have never once walked out of a Skechers outlet empty handed. today was no exception.

many of the stores in this outlet are higher end names such as Coach, Mikasa, and Versace. but, as you are about to see, money DOES NOT equal good taste. we saw stuff today that i wouldn't give to my worst enemy as a gag gift.


Example
YABBA DABBA FUCKING DO! obviously designed by betty rubble after a 3 day bender, this vest was a plush faux fur nightmare. retired grandmothers in florida would deem this "a little over the top, dear."


Example
because, really, nothing says CLASS like a gold lame, high heeled sneaker. my favorite detail is the security tag. i really don't think they have to worry about these bad boys getting shoplifted anytime soon.


Example
is it a kayak? is it a shoe? i don't know, it's just butt ugly. (that cute little leg belongs to my mom. i love that she is willing to model for my art. what a mom!)


Example
how many Muppets had to die for this? somebody call PETA! this is an outrage!! i mean, WHO, tell me WHO looks at that shoe and says, "yes. finally. the perfect shoe. my search is over. it shall be mine."

trust me, the stuff i bought is WAY cuter.