Monday, October 10, 2005

The Best Tattoo, EVER!

i have two tattoos. before i got them, i thought long and hard about the designs. i knew they would be permanent and i needed to make sure i wanted to live with these works of art on my body until the day i die. i love my tattoos and would not change a thing about them.

others have not put as much thought into theirs, i am fairly certain.

yesterday, mom and i went to an indoor swap meet. this place deserves a blog entry of it's own and soon as i can get back there with my real camera, you too will experience the joy that is the Valley Indoor Swap Meet. trust me, it will be worth the wait.

anyway, while we were browsing the aisles of crap, i spotted a girl walking in front of me. she was wearing low rise pants and a crop tee, so her lower back tattoo was in full view for all to enjoy.

do you want to know what it said?

i know you do.

wait for it.

it's coming.

are you ready?

you sure?

her tramp stamp was a tattoo that said "Exit Only" and had a little arrow pointing down at her ass. hand to god.

i DESPERATELY wanted to take a picture and even stalked her thru a few aisles with my Sidekick, but i knew the pic would be fuzzy at best. i wanted a pic of that one so bad that i seriously considered going up to her and asking if i could take a picture of it. i would have to pretend that i really liked her tattoo. but then she might want to talk about it and i would have to stand there talking about anal sex with a stranger at the swap meet and i just could not bring myself to do that. plus, she looked kind of scary and i was pretty sure she could kick my ass if she figured out that i didn't really like her tattoo. and i ain't getting my ass beat just to get a picture.

i try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, so i thought maybe that tattoo was the evidence of one, bad drunken night. but then realized that her oufit was specifically chosen to show off the tattoo. she was proud of it.

then i pondered the purpose of the tattoo. were men constantly trying to fuck her in the ass without her permission? how often was she in the position (pun inteneded) for this to be an issue? well, she and her boyfriend did look like lowlife speed freaks, so maybe she does spend a lot of time passed out in the company of strangers.

she better hope she never goes to prison, that's all i gotta say. let's say i get sent to prison for finally beating someone else's child at the mall (and really, we all know it's just a matter of time until that happens.) and when i get to prison, i have all kinds of power because i have the smokes. if some fresh meat came onto my cell block with a tat like that, i would have my bitches ram things up her ass just to be ironic. (did i ever mention that my mom left me watch "Prison: Cell Block H" when i was a child?)

Exit Only, indeed.