Wednesday, October 19, 2005

The Betrayal Of the Uterus

flipping thru the channels. another exciting night for me, oh yeah. what's this? a Seinfeld rerun? ooooo, George Costanza is looking H-O-T hot!. work those Dockers, Georgie boy, work them! this is getting too hot for me, i better change the channel. hhmm, "Everybody Loves Raymond." well, JELLY loves Raymond, big daddy. what a man, what a man, what a mighty fine man. damn, i better see what's on cable. yeah baby, a Pauly Shore movie. DUDE!

yup, i must be ovulating. that time of the month when EVERY man looks good. a dangerous time, indeed. men i would not look twice at on any other day all of a sudden become tasty little man meat morsels. for these few days, i become easy like a sunday morning. my body is screaming at me to PROCREATE ALREADY, DAMMIT. and this unnatural attraction to anything with an adam's apple is just nature's way of trying to knock me up.

i have never been pregnant and don't ever want to be. can someone please get the memo to my womb before i start hitting on that guy from "King of Queens?"