Tuesday, October 25, 2005

There is a REASON Chuck E Cheese Serves Beer

ah yes, a glorious saturday afternoon spent at Chuck E Cheese. it really is an experience like none other. small, sticky children running around, hopped up on Mr. Pibb and cake. bright lights, clanging bells, and the non stop "beep beep beep" of the myriad of video games and rides. yes, i have been to hell and lived to tell the tale.

and apparently, in hell, we have dinner theater.

at Chuck's it all boils down to the Almighty Ticket. you spend $40 buying tokens, which the kids feed into the games and the games spew out tickets which the kids trade in for cheap ass prizes. $40 in tokens translates into $1.98 plastic pair of sunglasses. god bless capitalism.

we were there for my best friend's youngest daughter's birthday party. (this is not the one that peed in the dressing room. Puddles is the middle child. keep up, people.) i knew we were in for an afternoon of screaming kids, bad pizza and even worse entertainment. part of the birthday package includes an appearance by Chuck himself at the table. the hostesses told the kids that if they danced with Chuck, they would get TICKETS. so all the little girls promptly jumped up and started dancing with the six foot mouse. hhmmm, so let's recap, shall we? what have our girls learned today? oh yes, they have learned to dance with strangers for money! they need to change their slogan to, "Chuck E Cheese: Where a Lap Dancer Can Be A Kid!"

the look on the hostess' face says it all, doesn't it. "shoot me. shoot me now. if i have to do the Hand Jive ONE.MORE.TIME, i will kill myself and everyone within a 4 mile radius. i'm serious. and i'm taking the fucking mouse out first."

i can't wait til these girls are old enough to have their birthday parties in real bars like normal people.