YOU ARE TOO OLD TO TRICK OR TREAT IF.......
1.) you are dressed as a hobo and your beard stubble is real.
2.) you look at your watch at exclaim, "damn! it's 8pm!" not because 8pm is your curfew, but because 8pm is the time you are supposed to take your birth control pill every night.
3.) you can drive yourself from house to house.
4.) you are dressed in a suit and tie and your costume is "business man." but that's what you wore to work today.
5.) your cell phone rings while trick or treating and it is your boss asking if you remembered to put the cover sheet on your TPS report.
6.) your costume requires an underwire bra. and it fits.
7.) your circa 1985 Skeletor costume is the same one you wore in 3rd grade.
8.) you get a woody when the lady of the house answers the doorbell. and then you hit on her by saying "trick or TREAT" while grabbing your crotch.
9.) you are concerned that the caramel candies will pull out your fillings.
10.) you get some Hershey's Kisses and think, "those would be a great garnish for my chocolate martini tonight!"