Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I SWEAR I Don't Live in the Ghetto

at 2am on Monday morning i was snuggled in my blankies, dreaming of john mayer's forearms and a bottle of Reddi-Whip. the puppies were sleeping at my feet and all was well in my world. then, BOOM BOOM CRASH BOOM. this scared the crap out of me and the pups. the dogs jumped onto my chest and started barking like maniacs. ouch.

i ran outside to see what was going on. apparently, a police chase had ended right in front of my house. i saw a truck turned over on it's side and two cop cars. the truck had hit one of my neighbor's trucks and totally creamed it. all his tools that had been in the back were now scattered all over the street. now, this particular neighbor is rumored to film porn movies in his house. this is really not all that shocking as we are in the San fernando Valley, the Porn Capital of the USA. i'm just glad the tools in the truck were from his day job and not from this other line of work. really, who wants to see dildoes and cock rings all over their street at 2am?

so, there i am looking like 10 miles of dead sexy in my bunny print pajama bottoms and my Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt. i'm just glad the news cameras weren't there yet, because you just know that's the shot of me that would be on the next morning's newscast.

the cops shoo us all back into our houses. i go back inside and the dogs are FLIPPING OUT. my poor puppies were born in the sticks and spent the first 7 months of their lives in relative peace and quiet. now they have to learn to live with high speed police chases. it's been a bit of an adjustment for them. but in six months time, when the cops bust the porn neighbor, i know the pups will be able to sleep right thru all the commotion. that's my hope, anyway.