Monday, January 16, 2006

And The 5 Year Old Told Me To Keep My Day Job

on saturday, mom and i took my goddaughter and her sisters to Disneyland. it's an annual tradition and we always have a great day. except for the rain. every fucking year, it rains on the day we go to Disneyland. no, we don't live in Seattle. we live in LOS ANGELES. where we have, at most, like 12 rain days per year. but we always get rained on, no matter which day we pick to go. so next time california has a drought, we will plan a trip to the Happiest Place on Earth, and the skies will open and the whole state will be forever indebted to us. sounds like a plan to me.

the upside to going to Disneyland in the rain is that the park is fairly empty and we didn't have to wait more then 20 minutes in line for any ride. we rode about 12 rides and had a BLAST.

except for the Jungle Cruise. mom and i had to get ghetto on some indonesian tourists while we were in that line. we were walking down the steps and these people tried to cut in line in front of the kids. um. no i DON'T think so! i won't relate exactly what we said to them, but needless to say, i don't think they will find "rude motherfuckers" in their Indonesian to English dictionaries.

particularly popular is the Haunted Mansion, especially from Oct-Jan because they convert it to a "Nightmare Before Christmas" Haunted Mansion and it is decked out in all things Jack, Sally and Ooogie Boogie. while in line, they pipe in the movie soundtrack over the loudspeakers. when "Kidnap the Sandy Claws" came on, i was happily singing along. not so loud that i was making a spectacle of myself, just loud enough so that Samantha, age 5 (the youngest) could hear me. i am well aware of the fact that i am not exactly the next American Idol, but that doesn't stop me.

she looked at me and said, "could you sing it better?"

i told her, "um, no, actually, i can't."

now, normally, a comment like that is enough to get someone on the "Dead to Jelly List" right quick. but, this kid gets a free pass for life. and not just because she is cuter than kitten whiskers. no, she is double jointed and will do weird, bendy things with her hands on command.


Example
i mean, REALLY! look at her index fingers! can you do that? no? didn't think so.


Example
just look at that thumb! all the way back, baby! ok, so it doesn't take a whole lot to amuse me, but you have to admit, that is pretty cool.


Example
now, here she is, being her normally cute, non-bendy self. look at that face. that makes a day in the rain TOTALLY worth it.

the Unholy Smell will be back to it's regular, snarky bitchy self later this week.