Saturday, February 11, 2006

Pass The Disinfectant, STAT!

mom and i strolled into Brookstone today. they are the home of all things useless but lustworthy. Roombas, massage chairs and squishy pillows galore. i don't even know how they stay in business, because whenever i go in there all i see is people lounging in the massage chairs, but no one is ever buying anything.

you always have to wait to get into the massage chairs because they are all occupied. and it chaps my ass when i see a 12 year old hogging up one of the good chairs. for god's sake, skippy, you are 12, how knotted up and stressed out can you be?

today, i pateintly waited my turn (no, really, it's true) and plopped my happy ass into one of the deluxe $4000 massage chairs. oh, baby! i loved this one so much i am going to name it Ricky and marry it. full body massage, head to toe and you don't even have to get naked and touched by a big woman named Helga. anything that can help me avoid getting naked in front of strangers is always a good thing. i have naked issues, you know.

but, before we walked into the store, we looked in the window and saw this new, uber cool foot massager thingy. it massages your feet and lower legs. well, it was uber cool until we saw the display model. some old dude was using it. he had slipped off his sandals and stuck his bare feet in there. ugly, gnarled, dirty old man feet. complete with nasty yellow toe nails. *gack*

so consider this your PSA for the day. skip the foot massager. unless you want athlete's foot. and if you do, go ahead, knock yourself out. but none for me, thanks.