Tuesday, February 21, 2006

So I Was Wrong About the Mittelschmerz

that horrid pain last week that i chalked up to my Mittelschmerz. not so much it turns out. it was kidney stones. now, let me tell you, that is an experience that i WOULD wish on my worst enemy. i was praying for the release of sweet, sweet death. i would rather get my tongue tattooed than EVER live thru that again. and not one of those outline, easy tattoos. no, i am talking about a full on, colored in dragon tattoo with flames and everything. what kind of sick joke is mother nature playing? peeing out a pebble? that's just wrong on every level.

when the pain started, i thought it was a bladder infection. but then it got worse. so i Googled my symptoms and came to the conclusion that i either had kidney stones or an enlarged prostate. kidney stones seemed most likely. then i got really scared. see, i saw pics of some kidney stones. some of those little fuckers had JAGGED EDGES. that just makes your private parts pucker, doesn't it?

in order to stave off another episode of my body passing a geological specimen, i have drunk approximately 12,567 gallons of water in the last week. this is not fun.

so, now, whenever someone pisses me off i look at them and hex them with The Curse of Kidney Stones. so you better mind your p's and q's around me.