Friday, April 28, 2006

I Am SO Over Today

it's not even 8:30am and i am ready to call it quits today. it's just been "one of those mornings." and now i am going to whine about it, so if you have a low whining threshold, you might want to skip over this and just go directly to cuteoverload.com and look at puppies.

technically, i should have been able to sleep an extra 30 minutes this morning. somehow, my dog did not get cc'ed on that memo. at 6:15am she was beating the crap out of me because she wanted to get an early start on her day of chewing bits of wood off the side of my house, tormenting her sister and licking herself inappropriately. so, she bumps me with her nose. now, this is not a gentle, loving nudge. no, she does her impersonation of a battering ram and puts all her weight behind it. repeatedly. until i wake up, stumble to the doors and let her out. so, great, there goes my plan to sleep in. i figure i am already up, so i might as well get ready for work. that was fairly uneventful. thank god.

until i get to my car and realize i forgot to bring out the trash. so i grab my car keys AND my house keys and go back inside to get the trash bag. mission accomplished and keys in hand, i close the front door behind me. and .0008 seconds after that door closed, i realized my house keys were not in my hand. only my car keys.

"oh, no problem." i think, "i'll just grab the spare keys that we keep in the (blank)" *that's me trying to be all safety conscious and stealth. i am not about to tell the world where we keep those spare keys. someone might come in and steal my yarn, then i would be REALLY pissed.*

so, i go to (blank) and the keys aren't there. which means they are probably inside the house doing me not a whole hell of a lot of good. brilliant. i figure i will just go to work and deal with the key situation later tonight when i get home.

off on my less than merry little way, i swing into DelTaco just like i do every morning and order the exact same thing i order every morning. i understand that drive thru speakers aren't exactly Dolby Sound, so i always make sure to enunciate as clearly as possible. this is a wasted effort on my part. i could scream into the speaker, "PARIS HILTON IS A DISEASED WHORE!" and i have an equal chance of getting what i ordered.

for the last five days straight, yes, FIVE DAYS IN A FREAKIN' ROW, this moron has fucked up my order. and it's not that hard and it's not like i am special ordering anything. it's very simple. a small green burrito and a medium diet soda. that is EXACTLY how i order it every morning. and every morning he repeats it back to me as, "a small green burrito and a small coke." and every morning i dream about shoving a hot poker up his ass.

so, we go back and forth for a few minutes with the "i ordered a MEDIUM DIET soda." and the "you want a small coke?" routine that we do. at this point i am sure i am on candid camera, but they are never going to be able to use the footage because i am obviously thisclose to jumping out of my car, wriggling thru the drive thru window and shoving this guy's balls into the deep fryer. you want hot sauce with THAT, asshole?

if anyone is looking for me, i plan on spending the rest of the day under my desk, in the fetal position, sucking on a bottle of Stoli.