Thursday, April 13, 2006

Oy,These Kids and Their Music!!

my post the other day about JackFM got me to thinking about music in general and i realized that i really have no clue what is going on in popular music today, for the most part. i tend to listen to my Duran Duran Greatest Hits cd and maybe some Thompson Twins to shake things up. see, even when i try to listen to popular music on the radio, it seems i am stymied. hand to god, everytime i turn on our Star radio station they are playing that godawful "You're Beautiful" song. that's this year's love song? is this the song all the frat boys are learning to play on guitar so they can use it to dupe drunk freshmen girls out of their virginity? it's the musical equivalent of CheezWhiz. it's manufactured for the masses, processed and provides instant gratification. but no one remembers that awesome Jalepeno CheezWhiz they had five years ago.just like no one will remember this song in five years.

so, i scampered over to iTunes to see what the top songs are nowadays. and i am kind of sorry i did. "Unwritten" by Natasha Somebody. oh, just shoot me now. i hate that supposedly motivational crap. i guarantee you right now, the next time we see that song it will be in some horrible teen movie. it's too mellow to be used during an "athlete in training to win the big game" montage, but i could see it being used in some movie about a nerdy girl who comes out of her shell, becomes a sexy little minx, all while still leading the Mathletes to victory. that song would SO be played during her "makeover/studying" montage.

then there is "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. isn't this the song they play on American Idol when someone gets booted off the show? let's see, your ONE BIG chance at stardom is GONE! POOF! you are now on the fast-track to "Reality TV Has Been" status. you will forever be known as the singer that was WORSE than Ace. so, yeah, i guess you could say you had a "bad day."

at the bottom of the list, but still on the Top Ten is "Beep" by the Pussycat Dolls. god, the talent, the emotions, the vocal ranges, the years these girls must have spent taking voice lessons and training and opera and choir. they MUST have graduated from Julliard, no? i'm sorry? what? they didn't? shocking. just shocking. oh, they trained at the "gentleman's club" by the airport.? my bad.

the current state of pop music today just sucks ass. it really does. ten years ago, we had some great songs. "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morrisette. i mean, that is THE SINGLE GREATEST BREAKUP SONG IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. there are a million "oh, baby, i can't live without you. why did you break my heart?" songs. but this was the first song to really tap into the rage of a breakup. the part of you that would pay good money to see your ex burned alive in an industrial accident. it taps into the part of you drives around the streets near his house, hoping you see him, just so you can run his sorry ass over. THAT is great music, people.

am i the only one that remembers and still listens to the band Live? "Lightning Crashes" ringing a bell for you there? hands down, the greatest song ever to use the word 'placenta' in the lyrics. don't think i'm right? i dare you to find a better song with that word in it. it can't be done.

remember when No Doubt was new and Gwen was cute in that skater girl way? i miss those days. now she is this fashion icon, carrying Gavin's baby and she has that weird Japanese posse. and what's this fucking song she sings about "If I Were A Rich Girl?" bitch, you ARE rich. and i don't appreciate you rubbing it in my face like that. and i'm sorry gwen, but if i hear "Hollaback Girl" one more time, i will drive my car into a brick wall just to make it stop. it's not a song, it's a fucking cheer. there is a difference.

*jelly walks away humming "The Reflex"*