Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Random Crap That Is Pissing Me Off Today

1.) i can't believe i even have to say this, but 55 year old white women CANNOT pull off cornrows. and this isn't some random rule i just pulled out of my ass. no, i actually saw this with my own two eyes today. and the cornrows even had the cheesy, brightly colored plastic beads at the end of them. this look didn't work on bo derek 20 years ago and it sure as hell doesn't work now. ten years from now, this woman is gonna get a bitchin' new haircut called the Rachel and she will just think she is the shit!

2.) people, shut the fuck up about the price of gas. if i hear one more person bitch about the price of gas i am going to start huffing it. then, the constant whining will fade into the background like the sound of the charlie brown teacher, WOHM WOHM WOHM, and i can live in peace once again. i mean, really, is it putting that big a dent in your pocketbook? i fill up once a week, and i put in about 10 gallons. so, even if gas SHOOTS up 30 cents per gallon, that only an extra 3 bucks a week. and i ain't sweating 3 bucks. if that extra 3 bucks is really crimping your budget, here's an idea, skippy.....cut back on the 4 dollar starbucks venti latte double foam no whip soy frappucino grandes. and why is no one bitching about the price of starbucks? that stuff is like 40 bucks a gallon.

3.) for over a year now, my friend, Jen, has been bugging me to learn to knit socks so i can knit her some. i didn't want to because i hate double pointed knitting needles and well, they looked hard. but, i finally caved and knit my first pair last week. OH.MY.GOD. they are SO much fun! and of course, being the overly enthusiastic knitter that i am, i have spent $100 on sock yarn in the last week. i will be knitting socks for months. and the irony? i wear open toed shoes 360 days a year. guess what everyone is getting for xmas?

4.) if i barely know and/or barely like you, don't call me "dear" or "sweetie." and don't do it every 5 seconds. it sets my teeth on edge, then i start fantasizing about ways to torture you with a hot mop and lose track of the conversation at hand. then you have to repeat everything, and in the process, you will call me "dearie" ten more times and so the vicious cycle begins.

5.) if you are at a casino, and there is a smoking and a non smoking section, and you are a non smoker who CHOOSES to sit in the smoking section, DO NOT , i repeat, DO NOT sit next me, doing the fake cough, waving your hands in front of your face, glaring at my marlboro the whole time. that doesn't make me put out my smoke. it just makes me chain smoke. and then i will follow you from slot machine to slot machine, puffing away the whole time. yeah, i'm a bitch like that.

6.) SUV'S ARE NOT COMPACT CARS AND DO NOT FIT IN COMPACT SPACES. hey, asshole, no one forced you to buy a car the size of my house. go park in a space that is big enough for your tank and leave the rest of us law abidding citizens alone. ooooo, you have to walk an extra thirty yards to get from the back of the lot to the front door of the grocery store? boo freakin' hoo. next time, buy a VW bug. and these are the same dipshits that are complaining about the high price of gas. you all have pissed me off so much, you made it onto today's list twice. and if your hair is cornrowed, then you have set a new world's record by being on here 3 times. but don't feel bad. i have enough petty hatred to go around.