Saturday, May 13, 2006

Gauchos Be Gone!!

Dear Lady in Front of Me in Line at Best Buy Today,

as is the norm of saturdays, the line at my local Best Buy was long. so i had to plenty of time to observe and i have a little feedback for you. and obviously you need it as no one has ever told you some of these basic truths. first, let's start with your hair. now, you had a lovely Coach bag and your keychain was hanging off it so i could plainly see your Mercedes Benz car key. this leads me to belive that you are probably not living in the ghetto and clipping coupons for Top Ramen, that being said, how is it that you cannot afford a $4 bottle of hair conditioner? dry, frizzy hair with 2 inch roots is not pretty. take note.

your daughter was there with you and she appeared to be about 7 years old and about 30 pounds overweight. have you not seen the childhood diabetes commericals? i have. they are on tv every 5 minutes. pay attention to them and stop killing your child with twinkies. that's an order.

and why was she dressed like a mini, rotund hooker? Prostitot Chic is so last year. her cropped, skintight tank and ruffled miniskirt offically qualify her as the youngest "fat girl in skinny clothes" that the Unholy Smell has ever seen. but to your credit, at least there were no words across her ass like "JUICY" or "HOT STUFF." because at that point i would have called Child Protective Services on you. i would have done it in a heartbeat.

back to you. the gauchos. dear lord in heaven, the freaking gauchos. have you not seen these on other people? they look good on maybe 2% of the population. you are not in that 2%. not by a long shot. that knit jersey fabric clings to every lump and bump on your ass. why not just shine a klieg light on your butt and wear a t-shirt that says, "i love doritos and have the ass to prove it!" and be done with it? those gauchos weren't doing you any favors, so do yourself a favor and burn the fucking things.

i'm only here to help.

Love,
Jelly